Filed with 60.5 Parenting · Related: 60.21 Psychology · HQ
Exercise: How Were You Parented?
Writing down your answers to these questions will clarify your understanding of your behaviors in a way that will help you see clearly what you are bringing to the relationship with your child. This can be deep and emotional work. Allow yourself time to digest this information—go for a walk, sleep on it—then write your takeaways from this exercise. It’s also a great idea to talk about what you’ve written with a trusted friend or therapist.
Who was in your family and what was it like growing up with them?
How did you get along with your parents when you were little? How did your relationship shift over time?
Did you ever feel rejected or threatened by your parents?
Were there experiences that felt distressing during your childhood?
Do these experiences continue to influence your life?
How did your parents discipline you as a child?
How did you respond to that when you were young?
How do you feel it affects your role as a parent now?
Do you recall your earliest separations from your parents?
What were they like?
Did you have any prolonged separations from your parents? How did your parents respond to you when you were distressed or made mistakes?
How did it make you feel?
What kind of language did your parents use?
How did they respond when you were happy or excited?
How have your childhood experiences influenced your relationships as an adult?
Do you find yourself trying not to behave in certain ways because of what happened to you as a child?
Do you have patterns of behavior that you’d like to change? What impact do you think your childhood has had on your adult life in general, including the ways in which you think about yourself and the ways you relate to your child?
What would you like to change about the way you understand yourself and relate to others?
Hunter Clarke-Fields. Hunter Clarke-Fields - Raising Good Humans (2019, New Harbinger Publications) - libgen.li (pp. 59-60). Kindle Edition.